We have just finished the 302 lecture, and many of the class are disappointed. We don’t have ethics approval to conduct primary research and can only ask students in this class. This is severely limiting to some people, and they feel our capstone needs to be revised, corrected and insulting to our degree and capstone project. Especially given that there is limited research surrounding my topic, it is frustrating and frankly unprofessional to do this to capstone students. We knew ethics approval would be difficult to obtain, but we thought it would still be feasible. The class went into a spiral about this issue and became a no-positive environment. I’ll chat with Diana about this tomorrow and seek further clarification.
What is the purpose of our DR?
Why are we spending time on this project? Paper? Degree?
Are we being factual?
Is our project going to have an impact?
Reflecting on the 301 lecture, it was insightful and exciting but applied to something other than my research proposal. The stream session was good, but I must dig deeper and gain more beneficial insights and realisations. I needed to do more for a triple-point paper last week and should’ve done more. During the session, I realised that I had done a similar amount of work to most class members.
This course feels overwhelming regarding the work and outcomes we have to produce. I also feel a strong obligation to do justice to my project and deliver honest and accurate research and outcomes. I view my topic as highly sensitive, and people will react to it in ways that I don’t intend. I also feel that if I don’t do a good job or Service, the situation could get worse, or people could not view me in a good way -> this ties into me being a people pleaser and stressing over what people think of me when I’m not around. I prioritise other people’s opinions of me over my own opinion of myself. I NEED more self-respect and affirmation through this, knowing that I can do it and trusting and supporting myself.
Also, the fear of disappointment and failure. Especially when dealing with an issue that impacts over 50% of our population and their role in society and how they contribute to it.
This is a short reflection on my chat with Diana on the 25 July. I have completed a personal reflection seen above. Diana started by thanking me for choosing my topic as many other men, white men, especially of my age, don’t have the same thought process or would try and tackle this challenge. This was highly validating that I chose a good topic that is impactful. She then asked, “How are you feeling about…?” I did cut her off – ‘sorry’ – and started talking about how I felt about this topic, and I read an excerpt from my previous reflection. That was super helpful. She was very reassuring. She pointed me towards ‘Tauiwi Tautoko Community’ on Facebook, which deals with calling out racism. She thought it would be a good resource that I could use to inspire me for my project. Overall, a good conversation kept me on topic and comfortable. Whilst also completing my positionality, I created a pepeha but didn’t know how to pronounce one of the words, so I talked with Ayla about it, and she was super helpful. Currently writing this, I am realising how slack I have been these past two weeks. I will spend most of tomorrow working on my project, checking off my to-do list, and just getting stuff done. Primarily, DES 301 assignment 2, draft week 1+2 blogs, finalise the website and anything else significant.
Tauiwi Tautojo is a values-based approach to combat anti-Maori racism. I think this approach might be transferrable to combat sexism and gender-based discrimination. I also briefly looked into how these issues can be tackled, and there are some great resources online.
I still need to do more work. I feel like I’m slacking.